Weekly Whopper: “We are blessed to have one of the largest football programs in the country.”

The University of Michigan’s Athletic Director Dave Brandon (pictured, left) is a confused man who has, obviously, never understood that value for money means paying the least amount of money for the most value. In a January 7, 2011 entry about the firing of Rich Rodriguez I wrote this:

I want to start with sports writer Joe Lapointe, who wrote a great piece about the comic opera that has been Michigan Athletic Director David Brandon and the school’s football diva/coach RichRod. Lapointe writes:

When David Brandon ran the Domino’s Pizza business from Ann Arbor, Mich., the product deteriorated so much that the company tried to turn its negatives into positives.
In television commercials, it admitted its crust chewed like cardboard and its sauce tasted like ketchup. Late in Brandon’s watch, Domino’s vowed to improve the product that had declined while he was boss. Brandon is now the rookie athletic director at the University of Michigan – a school with a lot of dough and plenty of crust — and he is facing a similar crisis in his historically prestigious football program. Lately, it’s gotten kind of cheesy.

It’s just the kind of pin-to-the-over-inflated-balloon kind of writing that Michigan’s football program and its Athletic Director deserve.

Joe Lapointe writes:

Noting that Michigan has traditionally paid its coaches at around the middle rate of their profession’s pay scale, Brandon said that should change. ”There’s a market out there,” he said. “You pay for value. My boss and my boss’s bosses understand that concept.”

“You pay for value?” Has David Brandon ever shopped with his own money, and for anything other than over-priced college football coaches and stadium food? Value for one’s money means that one pays less for an excellent product. Bo Schembechler comes to mind, as does my new dishwasher. My new dishwasher is not the $1,400 Bosch for sale at Sears. It’s the $500 Kenmore. Know why? I obsessively compared the two brands, zeroed in on models that were virtually identical, then compared prices, and read buyer reviews (on several sites). I also bought the extended warranty. Alas, college athletic directors don’t come with those. University of Michigan president, Dr. Mary Sue Coleman, hired a pizza salesman, and she’s getting exactly what she paid for: fast food management of the college’s football program.

Dave Brandon is at it again.

This time, though, he’s justifying spending $900,000 (base pay plus incentives) on a defensive coordinator for the University of Michigan football team. AnnArbor.com picked up the news from the Associated Press wire on February 24, 2011. The next day, The Detroit News dug a little deeper and reports:

Most notable was defensive coordinator Greg Mattison’s contract. He will be paid $750,000 annually with a chance for a bonus of up to $150,000 if the Wolverines win the Big Ten. Mattison, 61, who spent the last two seasons as defensive coordinator for the NFL’s Ravens, is the Big Ten’s highest-paid assistant.

“We’re not messing around,” Brandon told The News when asked about Mattison’s contract. “I am sure he’s the highest-paid defensive coordinator in the Big Ten, and I have to believe he is also one of the highest-paid in the country.

We’re not messing around? Is this guy serious? Spending a boatload of money is supposed to indicate that the University of Michigan’s football program is not “messing around?” I would argue just the opposite. Brandon goes on to justify the $900,000 expenditure thusly:

Brandon said he had no problem upping the salaries of Michigan’s football coaches.

“I have great respect for the marketplace, and you pay for value,” Brandon said. “We are blessed to have one of the largest football programs in the country. We should be able to pay to attract the best and talented coaches available.”

One of the largest football programs in the country? Does he mean by weight? One imagines since he’s justifying spending money, he’s talking about revenues. Alas, Michigan’s total football revenues are nowhere near as large as those raked in by programs NCAA officials consider “the largest” in the country. Mr. Brandon’s statement is a Whopper.

According to officials at the NCAA, the University of Michigan’s football program isn’t in the top ten in the country in terms of revenue produced. I know. I know. I was shocked, too! All that posturing, puffery and over-blown egoism about having the “biggest audience….” Dash it all. Here’s what an official from the NCAA had to say about Brandon’s claim: “Mr. Brandon’s program is not among those the NCAA has identified as the top ten revenue producers.”

So who’s programs are actually the largest in the country? All of the financial figures are from the U.S. Department of Education’s Equity in Athletics report for the 2008-09 school year and the NCAA.

1.  Texas Longhorns:  2009 gross revenues $87.5 million (stadium holds 94,000 fans)

2.  Ohio State:  2009 gross revenues $68.19 million (OSU spent a national high on its program, as well, $32.3 million OSU spent about $10 million dollars more than Texas, the school that raked in $20 million more after spending less on its program. Damn. That’s value for money in my book.)

3.  Florida:  2009 gross revenues $66.15 million

4.  Georgia:  2009 gross revenues $65.21 million

5.  Alabama:  2009 revenues $64.6 million

6.  LSU:  2009 gross revenues $61.86 million

7.  Penn State:  2009 gross revenues $61.76 million

8.  Auburn:  2009 gross revenues $58.61 million

9.  South Carolina:  2009 gross revenues $57.11 million

10. Notre Dame:  2009 gross revenues $56.92 million

Where’s Michigan? One click and $22.7 million in annual revenues behind Notre Dame’s football program. In fact, in order to crack the Top Ten list, Michigan would have to increase revenues by almost 60 percent.

11. University of Michigan:  2009 gross revenues $34.21 million (spent $18.03 million on its program, and its stadium held 13,000 more fans than the stadium where the Texas Longhorns play.)

Michigan’s revenues are well behind Big Ten schools Penn State ($42.63 million) and Ohio State, and nowhere near those of programs that are, actually, the largest in the country.

So, does spending more translate into football success? Nope.

Auburn’s Athletic Department fritters away only slightly less than OSU on its football program. However, Auburn hasn’t been to a bowl since 2004. In the Big Ten, in 2009 Iowa spent $26.9 million on its football program, but hasn’t won a league title since 2004.

Money can’t buy you love, or a winning football program, and someone needs to tell poor Dave Brandon that Michigan’s gross revenues do not make his program “one of the largest in the country.” Those bragging rights belong to the University of Texas and the other heavy hitters in the top ten whose gross revenues are multiples of what Michigan’s program brings in each year. Oh, and last three seasons, Michigan has lost to Michigan State, a school that spent, on average $3-$5 million dollars less on its football program each year than did the University of Michigan.

That is the definition of value for money.