The children are restless and complain, “When does it start? Can we go!” Just when the kiddos are about to gang up on our tour guide, an enthusiastic 20-something U-M student named, Stuart Richardson, directs us up the stairwell to the second floor where the various fossils are exhibited. 

by Christian Usera

IF THIS REPORTER were to draw a Venn diagram, there’d be several circles which would help guide the user as to whether or not to attend the Dinosaur Exhibit at U-M’s Natural History Museum. First question: Do you have children? Yes. (Good so far.) Second: Do they like dinosaurs? Loads. (Still good.) Third: Can you handle a throng of other people’s children? (All signs point to yes? Great.)

This is not a tour for the childless or those who don’t deal well with rambunctious children. (If you’re a childless science major of any stripe, you definitely shouldn’t waste your time. Just sayin’.)

This is a tour dedicated to young children and the facts that you’ll receive from the docent perfectly reflect the target audience.

Having given that disclaimer, let us dive into what you’ll experience when you take your kiddo on this tour.

One enters the museum and immediately notices the open domed structure with marble floors and the bronze flower reliefs above. The noise in the corridors echoes all the voices from the droves of people below. The children are restless and complain, “When does it start? Can we go!” Just when the kiddos are about to gang up on our tour guide, an enthusiastic 20-something U-M student named, Stuart Richardson, directs us up the stairwell to the second floor where the various exhibits are displayed.

The first exhibit we are shown includes marine reptile fossils, an Aetosaur backbone, and some Pterosaurs pelvic bones. Our docent Stuart then prompts a game. He asks the crowd, “How many dinosaurs do you see in this exhibit?” (He gave use a minute or two.) Then surprises everyone by saying, “Trick question: none of these are dinosaurs. There were many different reptiles and even mammals that lived alongside dinosaurs. I’ll tell you several things that separate dinosaurs from other animals. Dinosaurs can’t fly, can’t swim and can’t bring their limbs to their sides.”

Stuart then brings us over to a huge Allosaurus fossil and says, “Which dinosaur does this fossil look like?”

“T-Rex,” the children answered.

“Yes, but Allosaurus was much smaller than T-Rex. We’ll see how big T-Rex’s skull was at the end of the tour.”

He then asks, “I’ll tell you a secret: There’s something wrong with this exhibit, can anyone tell me what it is? I’ll give you a hint: this Allosaurus’s tail is on the ground. If it were a hunter would his tail be up or down?”

(Up, was the consensus.) “Because typically this creature had its tail up in order to pounce on prey, archeologists don’t find tail tracks.”

We then move to an exhibit on Velociraptor and Deinonychus. You may remember the Velociraptor as the Big Bad in the Speilberg’s Jurassic Park movies. Then again, you may have put your hands over your eyes during the scene in which the Velociraptors open a kitchen door and proceed to hunt two adorable (yet, surprisingly crafty) children.

Back to the tour: Stuart asks the group, “Which to you think is bigger Velocirapotor or the Deinonychus?” (Most answer “Velociraptor.”)

“Actually Velociraptors were the size of modern turkeys. Steven Spielberg slightly embellished them in the movie Jurassic Park. Also we know they hunted in packs. Can anyone tell me how we know that?”

(The size of turkeys? Spielberg took a heck of a lot of artistic license.)

(After a minute of waiting your humble correspondent raises his hand in order to move the tour along.) “Uh ‘cause they found the fossils in packs.”

“Correct…” (A child looks over at me like I just did a sleight of hand magic trick…) The tour moves on to a large painted mural.

Stuart asks us, “What is wrong with this mural?” (The dinosaurs are swimming in the water.) “Yes. As I told you earlier dinosaurs can’t swim. The original painter of the mural was told it wasn’t scientifically accurate, but he didn’t want to change it. So it just stayed that way.” (Artists apparently are picky like that.)

Later Stuart shows us a huge Sauropod fossil (the leg). We learn exactly how huge they were using the whole hall as a reference. We also learn that Brontosaurus never existed. It was actually a creature that was two separate animals. (Childhood = Destroyed.) Lastly he takes us over to the T-Rex skull, shows us exactly how small the animal’s brain was and tosses around some fossilized “dino poop.”

He points over to the Mastodon, which is apparently Michigan’s state fossil, however it isn’t technically a fossil, because they died out only ten thousand years ago.

A docent-led tour at U-M’s Natural History Museum is a fun way to pass an afternoon and an opportunity to have your kids learn some basic facts about science.

Parents might also choose to browse the well-marked exhibits without a tour. In all fairness, Stuart Richardson was a great sport and really put on a good tour for the group. (This is not a job many people could do well.) However, there’s also something about just poking around the exhibits with your young dinosaur scientists. So, go. The museum is located at 1109 Geddes Ave., call ahead for hours and tour times: (734) 764-0478.

Velociraptors were the size of turkeys? Really?!?