by P.D. Lesko

In Ann Arbor it’s often tough to decide who’s more addled, the politicos or the voters.

In August of 2010 Ann Arbor County Commish Barbara Levin Bergman actually spoke in favor of hiring of sexual predators into county jobs. Ann Arbor County Commish Conan Smith, allegedly a Democrat, came out strongly in favor of Governor Snyder’s reviled Emergency Manager Law. Conan has also refused to return money to the county coffers that an independent audit revealed Smith should never have received in the first place. Smith recently got a public political weggy from Oakland County Administrator L. Brooks Patterson (video below).

Downtown Development Authority Board member Joan Lowenstein was so peeved at Ward 2 voters when they tossed out her former Council pal Stephen Rapundalo in November 2011, she published a piece in The Ann in which she called Ann Arbor voters “old,” “selfish,” “stingy” and “Republican.” In November 2011, Ann Arbor state Senator Rebekah Warren got fingered by state political reporters for taking thousands of dollars worth of food and drinks from lobbyists—A2Politico revealed Warren was being wined and dined by Kirk Profit, Ann Arbor’s own lobbyist.

To the local Democrats for ALEC who are desperately trying to run their own private political burlesque show, logic is a little flower that smells bad.

County Commish Leah Gunn, among others, are now urging Ward 1 voters to elect a white, male tennis coach instead of the female CPA-of-color to City Council. This particular tennis coach, so say multiple residents to whom he has spoken, is fibbing to voters that he and his opponent are on the same team—playing doubles, as it were.

The latest political advice from the Ann Arbor Dem establishment to the rabble? It has to do with experience. Attention K-Mart/Ann Arbor voters: “Experience is bad. Very bad.”

Everyone knows that having no experience is significantly more desirable than having years of experience, particularly in the somewhat related fields of courtesan management and politics. In the Ann Arbor City Council race in Ward Five, Chuck Warpehoski, the head of the Council for Interfaith Peace, Justice and the My Way On Palestine or the Highway, or so say disgruntled members of Warp’s dismantled Middle East Task Force, has never held elected office. His modest community service record is, well, modest and befitting a fellow who leads an obviously busy life. Oddly enough, he lists his own job as one of his three community service bullet points.

Oops.

Community service, unlike the services of a courtesan, is a donated service or activity that is performed by someone or a group of people for the benefit of the public or its institutions. IRS tax forms signed by Warpehoski on behalf of his employer indicate that Chuck is not, in fact, donating his services to his employer or the community.

One imagines political inexperience and/or a desire to pad his political bodice prompted Warp to try to pass off his paid job as “community service.” It’s certainly a less egregious mistake than some of the Burger King sandwiches posted to the campaign web sites of other local politicos. Adam Zemke, a Dem who is running for the State House, posted a press release on his web site in which he crows about out-fundraising all others in his race, including the incumbent. What Zemke failed to mention was that $10,000 of the $20,000 he bragged he’d raised came from him. It took a trip to the State Vault of Campaign Finance to get to the truth.

Now, Ann Arbor County Commishes Leah Gunn and Yousef Rahbi, and Conan Smith, State Senator Rebekah Warren, State Representative Jeff Irwin, and Ann Arbor Mayor John Hieftje are lining up squarely behind inexperience as being one of the best qualifications for elected office. Warp, the guy with the smidgen of community service and no time in elected office is the best choice for Ward 5 City Council, or so say these local politicos.

Thing is, though, that’s not what they say about themselves on their own campaign web sites. They e-yammer on and on about their, yes, experience.

For example, Senator Rebekah Warren wrote this about herself on her House campaign web site: “In the 15 years she has worked in Lansing, Rebekah has gained the experience of our legislative process that many candidates and new legislators lack. She has proven to be an effective legislator from her first day on the job.” Warren says this about herself on her state Senate campaign web site: “Prior to her work as a Senator, Rebekah was privileged to serve the citizens of Ann Arbor as State Representative for the 53rd House District for four years.” State Representative Jeff Irwin’s House race campaign web site lists his “accomplishments.” As a County Commissioner. Ann Arbor Commish Yousef Rabhi has an “Experience” tab on his campaign web site.

Experience counts when it comes to choosing them as the best candidates for elected office.

Warpehoski’s opponent in the Ward Five race is Vivienne Armentrout. Armentrout, a former Washtenaw County Commissioner, is obviously severely hobbled in the eyes of Gunn, Warren, Smith, Hieftje, Rabhi and Irwin by her four terms as an elected official on the Washtenaw County Board of Commissions—the same kind of “experience” Irwin ran on when he put himself forward for state office. Armentrout served as Chair of the Washtenaw Planning Advisory Board, and served on the Ann Arbor Budget Review Committee, as well as five years as the chair of the Ann Arbor Solid Waste Commission, all around the time Warpehoski was in Middle School.

Let’s just say it out load: These endorsements for Warpehoski are, in essence, not in support of his candidacy, but rather in several instances endorsements made in an effort to keep someone with years of political experience off of Ann Arbor City Council. Why? Vivienne Armentrout is “difficult.” That’s what Warren and Smith said in 2008 when giving their endorsement to inexperienced Carsten Hohnke—after leading Armentrout to believe the endorsement would be hers. It’s what Hieftje Hive Mind Ward 5 Council candidate Neil Elyakin (who’d never met Armentrout or spoke to her) emailed out in 2011 in a message in which he explained why he was withdrawing his endorsement of her for the District Library Board. No doubt Borg Queen Hieftje and the Hive Mind are terrified of Armentrout precisely because of her experience. She won’t be pushed around or manipulated. Armentrout has a reputation from her many years on the County Board of Commissioners as fair-minded, thorough and hard-working, not difficult.

“Difficult” is just the kind of code the Hive Mind Collective members and Republicans like to use.

You have to imagine right about now Speaker of the State House Republican Jase Bolger is telling all of his drinking buddies that State Representative Democrat Lisa Brown and her Vajayjay are “Vag-ifficult.” State Representative Gretchen Whitmer was, no doubt, very bitchicult when she stood up and gave a speech against Republican pro-bullying legislation that got enough national attention to shame Lansing Republicans who wanted to “protect” school yard bullying by allowing bullying done in the name of religious beliefs.

You can watch a video of Representative Whitmer being “difficult” below:

Anyone know how to say “difficult” in Burmese? An incredibly “difficult” woman just collected her Nobel Peace Prize. Aung San Suu Kyi was under house arrest 21 years ago when her prize was awarded. The Bur-difficult woman would not shut up about her ideas to combat hunger, poverty, joblessness, lack of political freedom and injustice in her country, ruled by a military junta. One might point out that Ann Arbor is being ruled by a Demublican junta—people like Hiefje and Conan Smith who trade on the Democratic brand while pushing ultra-conservative Republican policies such as “smaller government,” public-private partnerships, and the like.

Here’s the real reason these local politicos are backing inexperience and why Armentrout is being smeared: Should she win in Ward 5, the back of the current Council majority will be broken. It will inflict serious political damage. Political priorities, fantasy projects, such as train stations, money for art, will all cost a higher political price. Cutting sweetheart real estate deals while funneling millions to developers through subsidies will be scrutinized. The mayor’s half a billion dollar transit folly (and perhaps his next job as the head of the soon-to-be assembled county-wide transit authority) could grind to a halt. There will be more uncomfortable debate about actually protecting parkland, funding citizen services such as police and fire and, perhaps, even restoring lost services. Hieftje, Gunn, Warren, Smith, and Hohnke are endorsing Chuck Warpehoski because they want someone who is, well, inexperienced and above all, easy. Someone who will nod and look terribly impressed while the “Mayor Tells Affordable Housing Virgins His 3-Inch Accomplishment Is a 9-inch Beauty.”

Politically experienced Vivienne Armentrout would, no doubt, find doing that incredibly difficult.