by Mo Hall
Recently I read a study by the Pew Research Center that sent heat waves through my body. The study was about Family Structure. The Pew Center surveyed 2,691 adults asking then if the following “trends” were good, bad or of no concern to society. These “trends” surround the fact that there are more unmarried couples raising children: more gay and lesbian couples raising children; more single women raising children without a male partner to help; more unmarried people living together; more young mothers of young children working outside the home; more people of different races marrying; and more women not ever having children. From the results, the opinions of those surveyed were then categorized into three groups: The Acceptors, The Rejecters, and The Skeptics.
The results confirmed that the times they are changing. As it turns out, the survey concluded that I am one of the worst things for our society today—a single mother. Yes, because I am a single parent I am bad for society, or so said 69 percent of respondents to the questions put to them by the folks at the Pew Research Center. I am worse for society than gay families. I am worse for society than unmarried couples living together. I am worse for society than women who choose never to have children.
Right. Not to be rude, but can I just say this? WTF?!?
From beginning of time, there are have been single mothers in the world. Here are some single moms you might know: Sandra Bullock, P-Diddy’s main squeeze Kim Porter, singer Kelis, and, yes, J.K. Rowling was a single Mom when she wrote the first Harry Potter book. In 2010 Rowling wrote the “Single Mother’s Manifesto” in response to her own government’s huge cuts to tax credits and subsidies for single-parent families in need. Me and the Single Famous Ladies Club are destroying the fabric of society? Really? I suppose Coretta Scott King and Ethel Kennedy, both of whom became single Moms after their husbands were assassinated, should be included in the list of women who have contributed to the breakdown of society.
Kids play house. Mom stayed home with the kids while dad goes out in the world to work. When he comes home, he’s met at the door by his lovely wife and dinner is ready. Later, he will relax and read while she cleans up the dinner dishes and puts the kids to bed. Well, let me tell you something, that’s not reality any longer. For the first time in history, fewer than 50 percent of American couples are married, and over 70 percent of women work outside of the house now.
Women have been and are becoming single parents for more reasons than, “I just want to be a single parent.” When a spouse dies, the end result is a single parent. When a single woman wants to accomplish her dreams, and later she chooses to have a child, she is a single parent. When a man doesn’t want to be in a woman’s life and she bares his child, she becomes a single parent. Whatever the reason, don’t tell me that I am bad for society.
I am a single parent; there are two in my household, and that equals a Family. From day one I have done my best to raise a polite, considerate young man. I stress the importance of education so he can open the doors that will lead him around the world. I stress manners, posture, attitude, spiritual beliefs because these are the things that will carry him in his adventures in society. I teach him not to cast judgment on others, because you may not know or understand what their beliefs or life issues could be. I teach him to learn about what you don’t understand, because knowledge will make him a stronger person. So how am I (and the millions of other single parents like me who are rasing their children the same way) destroying the fabric of society? We are working to raise good children. How can educated, polite, kind children be bad for society?
Am I bad for society because I don’t have a man in my house? Am I bad for society because I did not follow my faith? Am I bad for society because there is only a one income household? No. Those things can happen in two parent homes. Am I bad for society because I am a Black woman? Please, tell me.
What is bad for society is how disrespectful and partisan these conversations have become. This single mom (and millions of other single parents) are working hard to raise children, and another recent study about employment in Michigan concluded our job is becoming tougher and tougher thanks to political attacks on working Americans.
I have asked for forgiveness, and I have given thanks to my heavenly father for my son. What is vital for our society is that we, as parents, make our children understand that nothing can stop them, and nothing will if they work hard. I am raising my son alone, and my boy could be the next Barack Obama. Our president was raised by a single Mom, and so were Bill Cosby, and Frederick Douglas.
Family is what a single parent makes of it—despite what 69 percent of the people surveyed by the Pew Research Center may believe.