Solo Practitioner: In Love With My Crock Pot. Really.

A2P Notes: According to a study published in February 2011 by the Pew Research Center, Americans are pretty evenly divided in their attitudes toward the “sweeping changes in the structure of the American family that have unfolded over the past half century. About a third generally accepts the changes; a third is tolerant but skeptical; and a third considers them bad for society.”

The Pew Research Center conducted a survey in which a nationally representative sample of 2,691 adults were asked whether they considered the following seven trends to be good, bad or of no consequence to society: more unmarried couples raising children; more gay and lesbian couples raising children; more single women having children without a male partner to help raise them; more people living together without getting married; more mothers of young children working outside the home; more people of different races marrying each other; and more women not ever having children.

One of those sweeping changes is, of course, the rise in single-parent families.

There are 11.6 million single parents living with their children in 2009, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Of these, 9.9 million were single mothers and 1.7 million were single fathers.

A sizable minority of children in rich countries live with just one parent — a parent who is likely to be female, and also likely to be working. Across the industrialized world, about 15.9 percent of children live in single-parent households. The United States is at the higher end of the single-parent spectrum, with 25.8 percent of its children living with just a mother or a father—usually a mother. In the United States, as in every other industrialized country, most single-parent households are single-mother households, some 85 percent of single-parent households in the United States are headed by a woman.

Mo Hall is a single Mom living in Ann Arbor and she’s the A2Politico Solo Practitioner.

by Mo Hall

On March 16, 2000 my life changed forever—the best thing that ever happened to me was the birth of my son. Being that this was my first child all I thought about was how big and beautiful he was. My beautiful baby boy, the love of my life. I felt like I was the most blessed person in the world. Four days later we were finally allowed to go home to the many people in my life who made sure that we were well. My Mom and my Dad were big supporters. Being that we lived in a different state than they did at the time, Mom was with us for just two weeks at the beginning. She did everything. She helped with feeding, cleaning and laundry. You name it she was there to help me. Finally, she had to go home leaving me to be on my own with my son for the first time in two weeks.

That was the day I became a single parent. I panicked.

I remember sitting on my bed feeding my son thinking how am I going to do this? I could barely keep my eyes open and kept thinking about the hows… the whats… the whens…. I worked myself up into a total panic: money, daycare, work schedule, living arrangements, time. I mean the list went on and on.

I thought, “What am I going to do?”

All those issues are important, however, it was literally time that I had to get a handle on and manage first. I was able to take off three months from work, and so the next morning my son and I started a new lives together and our new schedule. From the time we woke up in the morning, feeding times, nap times (mine included), meal times, cleaning times to the days when other errands and household chores would get done according to a schedule.

Before my son was born, I had moved in with my Dad to save money. So, when I returned to work I had to factor two hours of commuting to childcare and to work into this crazy new schedule of mine. Not only did I have the help and support of my Mom and Dad, I had the support of my favorite aunt and her family. When I was little, I spent time with my Aunt every chance I got. My favorite aunt took care of my son. Each morning on my way to work, I would drop him off at her house, and as soon as I walked through the door she would be, there, getting his breakfast ready.

I would put in eight to ten hours a day at work then go and pick up my son a drive home. I would feed my son, help cook dinner and clean up. Next, would be bath time and finally bedtime—for me as well. No more late nights out!

That was 11 years ago. My son is finishing elementary school and we are still on a schedule.

It begins at 6:15 preparing for the day. We leave at 8:30 (well at least try too) to drop off kids at school. Between 8:40-9:00 is the commute to work. I put in my 8 hours when 5:30 rolls around—we get ready for take-off, or rather, sports practices and games. August through November we have football practice and games five days of the week. Once that season is over, we begin basketball. Basketball is three to four days a week with an occasional weekend tournament out of town. Along with that are activities at school, and even a slumber party here and there. Why do people call them “sleep overs?” No one ever sleeps!

Depending on the time of year, my sons’ day ends at 9:30 p.m. Mine usually doesn’t end until eleven.

The next day we start the schedule all over again.

I used to say that if there were 28 hours I the day, my world would be perfect. Really? All I would do is find something else to fill it up with. There are no secrets: managing time as a single parent is really hard at times.  I have to say no to my son more often than I would like. I have to do it, so I manage.

I have help from family members and friends. There are house rules that have to be followed to keep living easier (more about those another time).

Oh, and I can’t forget to mention my over-worked crock pot. I love you. I love you. I love you.