The Parent Trap: Spending Quality Time With A). My Kids or B). The Turtle.

This isn’t the first time it crossed my mind to write about parenting, but the first time I embraced the opportunity seriously.  Whenever I would read about parents who blogged, I had one thought: You people are writing about what you’re doing instead of actually doing it. I always pictured a harried parent-blogger, intently pecking away at the computer keyboard as the kids are fighting, screaming, poking at each other, or parked in front of a video game. Then the parent yells, “Be Quiet!  I am trying to finish my piece about ‘Spending Quality Time With Your Kids!'”

I also kept thinking: “I’m not a writer, I am a mom.”

So, how does a woman with six kids find the time to write about parenting without ditching my kids to write about parenting them? Being a mom of six (let’s not forget the puppy, adult dog, two cats, a tortoise… okay, the cats and tortoise are on autopilot, but still…) does leave me a tiny bit time-challenged. Kind of like climbing Mount Everest might leave one a tiny bit out of breath. I feel overbooked every minute of every day. I fail every day at trying to fit in ten minutes of math flashcards with my girls—and that’s only ten minutes! Getting up early isn’t an option; I already get up at dawn’s crack and hit the ground running. Staying up late?  The last time I tried that I attempted to decorate my son’s birthday banner.  The next day, my kids were all asking me what my drawing was…. An igloo?  A bug?  A building?

It was a turtle. With antennae. And club feet. I think.

To find time to write, I decided to do what countless other parents have done: change the plan a bit, tweak the rules. Isn’t that what the Parent Trap is all about?

A study done in 2006 by The Office for National Statistics  found that working mothers in the UK (who generally work more than their American counterparts) spend an average of 19 minutes a day a caring for their children, with an additional 16 minutes with their children, with the child care being secondary (she may be grocery shopping for example). For those mathematically challenged readers out there (readers whose mothers couldn’t find ten crummy minutes to do math flash cards with you) that’s 35 minutes a day.   How does one fit in reading, snuggling, playing, talking with, diaper changing, nursing, bathing, feeding, disciplining, outside play time, boo-boo comforting, refereeing, potty training, homework help, checking our colleges, filling our financial aid papers, in only 35 minutes?

Many of my friends who are parents work full- or part-time jobs five days a week (or more). Some are working because they have to; some are working because they choose to. Some are back in school. These are parents who carpool, go to their kids sporting and art events, volunteer at school and push their little ones in the swing at the park. Somehow, these parents spend a whole lot more than 35 minutes a day with their kids.

For me, finding time to write means relaxing our family rules… I’ve decided to let the preschooler watch a bit more television, while baby/toddler naps (the best time to write for me). I’ve been doing more crock pot cooking. When you have a bit of time, check out crockpot365blogspot.com. You will be amazed by what this woman and mom of three little ones, Stephanie O’Dea, can do with a crock pot.

In order to blog about parenting, I’m budgeting my time more carefully than ever. To find a time to spend with my kids that works (and a time to work!), I schedule on the calendar special time with my child/children. I pick a day that works, and write in the child’s name. No planning over it, no erasing. We decide what to do (even if it is cuddling and reading together or baking) when the day arrives, or make fun plans ahead of time, to look forward to. I turn off the phone, stay away from the computer, and give my child 100 percent of me. This may seem ludicrous, that we have to schedule in time for our kids, but let’s be honest… for most working people this is the way it is.  We are all so busy and if we don’t prioritize and write it down, we will let plans fall through the cracks.

The kicker is, of course, no matter how badly we want the plan to work, or try to get it to, darn it, sometimes it so doesn’t. There’s an emergency at work, a sibling sick, migraine, a broken down car. That’s why we need to be ready (and ready our kids) for the plan to not work some days. Teaching our kids about being flexible, and being spontaneous and doing a last minute activity when we can is great, too. (Our family takes “Mystery Trips.” They’re not very elaborate, but a fun surprise nonetheless).

So, I’m planning to write…to find the time, while not neglecting my kids.

“Hello?  Protective Services? I see my neighbor’s  two-year-old daughter out in the snow in her pajamas??”

I shouldn’t joke, I once did have a wandering pajama-clad toddler in the snow. The turtle, on the other hand, had better not plan on us having any quality time together.

So I’ll promise to keep trying if you will. That is the best we can do—until, of course, cloning technology goes mainstream. When it does, I’ll save you a place in line.

Betsy McMillin has called Ann Arbor home for 20 years. It’s where she and her husband are currently raising their kids, ages 2 to 14. In addition to the six kids, she holds three degrees from Eastern Michigan University, one each in Elementary Education, Special Education and Early Childhood Education. Her hobbies (as of the past 14 years) include kids, laundry, cooking, diapers and breastfeeding. Betsy will be writing for A2Politico about parenting. She has about a million ideas for columns (assuming she and A2Politico make it to the year 2200), and will answer parenting questions from readers. Email parenting questions to: parenttrap@A2Politico.com.